I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
