Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
