My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
