Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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