TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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