The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
