I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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