Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
