That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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