if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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