She is in my trunk
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
