Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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