I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
