we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
