the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
