onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So vagazzling was a success
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
