Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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