I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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