I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize