I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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