yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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