you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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