i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
