Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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