You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
BRING THE BAGELS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
