And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
