i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
