Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
