he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
