Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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