Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
