Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
