Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
