So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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