I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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