This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
