My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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