i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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