I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
