Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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