just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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