I wish I only lived at night.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
