so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
