today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
