Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I believe in your delicious
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
