turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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