before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
