The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
