She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
