there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can't turn off my feet"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
