so that wasnt chicken after all
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
