I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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