Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
