can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sober January is a disaster.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
