this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
