Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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