More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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