my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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