dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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