You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
