do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
