There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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