Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
