i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
