I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
