when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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