dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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