The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
