If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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