She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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