We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
