His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
