well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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