i barfeds in our rink
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
