So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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