Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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