They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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