Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
